No Matter What, Remember Our Love
by I'veLostMyPride
Summary: All I ever wanted was your love, and if this is what it takes for you to love me, the I'll do it. I'll be skinny, beautiful, the perfect person because your love is worth my sacrifice. Companion Fic to The Nordic 4 And The FACED Family


"..." = Talking

Blah = Thoughts

I do not own Hetalia

Warnings: Mentions of blood, depression, self-harm, anorexia. Harsh language. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, get ready for the angst.

...00..00...

He vaguely noted the red liquid as it dripped down his wrist. His body had long since gone numb and the only pain left was the ever present throb in his heart. Sighing deeply, he stretched out his legs and glanced at his watch that laid beside him. America wondered if anyone would notice his behavior recently. Probably not, and if they did, they wouldn't care at all. After all, nobody cared about the _fat, disgusting slob, idiot, fool, daydreamer, arrogant asshole, lazy slacker, obese_ **child** _that would never achieve anything good!_

 _...00...00…_

He walked down the hall and ignored the whispers. Were they so stupid to think he did not know any other languages besides english?

"Il est si ennuyeux. Manger ces dalles horribles de graisse, comment peut-il cacher toute la graisse?"

His pace quickened and he strided out the building faster.

"Quel bastardo è così stupido, giusto Feliciano?"

Walk faster, just a little faster.

"Well you have to admit that I have a point. That bloody idiot won't stop stop eating those burgers as he calls it, nor does he stop to consider the health effects of soda! It's disgusting."

He froze.

"He won't be stopping anytime soon eh. Sometimes I feel ashamed of him being my brother…"

A canadian accent. _Disgusting, ashamed, disgusting, ashamed, disgusting, ashamed, disgusting, ashamed… of me?_

...00..00…

It comes in mocking comments, or was it teasing?

"Quite eating all the burgers Al! You'll get fat!"

"If you keep on eating, you'll become a pig!"

"That is disgusting! Stop eating so much!"

It's natural, family always teases _(Mocking, they're mocking you! They're saying the truth, there is nothing to tease, you are fat and you are disgusting. It's just the plain simple truth.)_

...00...00…

 _I'm disgusting. Why am I so fat? Fat, fat, fat, it's everywhere! On my thighs, my hips, my stomach! So disgusting, it's a parasite…_

...00...00…

Thanksgiving. _Too much, it's too much! I have no thanks for food like this, it's so heavy and dense. It sits at the bottom of my stomach… maybe if I could get rid of it, I could be skinnier? I have to **purge** it._

...00..00..

 _I'm getting skinnier, it's not enough._

...00...00…

"Alfred, you hungry?"

"Dieu! Alfred, vous êtes trop maigre!"

"What are you doing?! Why aren't you eating!? Bloody idiot! Here, eat the salad, I made it myself."

"Eh, I think Alfred can eat something else um…"

"Mon Dieu, are you trying to kill him Angleterre?! Poor boy will die from your toxique food!"

"What was that you frog!? I'll have you know that my cooking is excellent and this recipe was passed down from generations!"

"I think I'll pass on the salad. I'm...not very hungry."

...00...00…

 _If I was skinny, wo-would you like me? If I was skinny, would I be smarter? If I was skinny, would I be better? If I am skinny… can I be happy?_

 _...Yes, I would be happy. I **need** to be skinny. I-I have to be._

...00..00..

Blood everywhere. On the walls, the mirror, the knife, his hands and arms and hair. _Why am I doing this to myself, I need to stop. I need to stop now! B-but I can't, I can't and it hurts so much, so so so much. Ple-please? I need help._

...00..00…

"Where's America?"

"I didn't see the bastard since yesterday."

"Do you know where Amérique is?"

"Nein. We have not seen him."

"Shazai itashimasu, we have not seen America since yesterday."

"Nyet, I saw Amerika yesterday."

"E-Excuse me, have you seen America?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm Canada…"

"Oh, where's Canada?"

Sigh.

"Where is that daft idiot? Don't tell me he forget about the meeting."

...00...00...

 _I'm… okay. I'm f-fine? I'm happy… Yes, I'm happy._

"America, are you in there?"

 _So tired, let me sleep. Please, I want to sleep._

"Alfred? I'm breaking down the door if you don't answer!"

 _Leave me alone! Why can't you just leave._

"Amérique? Will you please open the door?"

 _...No… just leave me be._

 **BANG**

...00...00…

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience Germany, could you help break down the door?"

Knocking, demanding, pleading. They want him to come out.

"Ja, I'm coming. This is not normal behavior for America?"

"No, he always opens the door if it's us. He hasn't answered the door and we can't open it."

...00..00…

He comes quickly, with long strides that maneuver him down the hall within seconds. Germany looks at the door before stepping back; turning to the side, he rams the door open with his shoulder and steps into the room. The others shuffle in and look around.

"Nothing's out of place. He was not robbed or anything." France mumble.

Suddenly, Canada calls out. "The bathroom door is locked. I-I think he's in there."

England scowls as he knocks on the door. "America, open up!"

Germany sighs. "Pick the lock, we cannot afford to hurt America by breaking down the door. If he is directly behind the door, it could be dangerous."

It only takes them a couple seconds before they are able to open the door (It was of course without any help whatsoever from Germany.)

They look in horror the scene before them.

Blood spatters are everywhere, on the floor, the walls, the knife _(Whywhywhy is thathere ohgod no)._ And especially on America, who sits half slumped on the floor _(Isthat a puddle?! Jesus Christ nonononono not possible)._ England shrieks in horror and scoops up his son into his arms _(why are youso light? Can'tbe, no. NotAmerica poor poor America. Ohgod, he's stillbleeding!? He's so tiny)_ He cradles the man _(-Boy, just a younginnocent boy._

 _"Who are you?"_

 _"I'm England, your new big brother!"_

 _"Daddy?"_

 _"Huh? D-daddy?! ...I could be that too."_

 _Bloodandhe's hurt! Hurthurthurt.)_

...00...00…

"I need help. I want to stop, but I can't."

"We're family. I'm going to help you, so don't you worry eh."

"Amérique, I will not abandon you in your time of need. Love is meant to be showed to the world. Even if it may seem like we do not love you, you must never forget that we do. We love you America."

"America… you bloody idiot. Why, why did you think we hate you. We don't, and as much as I avoid saying this… I love you, we love you."

...00...00...

"A-America?"

Tears of desperation and sobs of anguish.

"Pl-please, I need it."

Narrowed eyes of determination, determination to protect one from himself.

"No. Alfred No!"

Fingers scramble to hold on to the razor, but the wrestling between the two makes the grip loosen. The american cries out as the razor falls from his grip and sobs as the canadian scoops it up from the ground.

"I'm sorry Al, but I can't let you. I love you."

"...Thank you."

 _i love you too._

...00...00…

It was kept a secret. His depression, his self-harming, his suffering.

Until now.

America holds the man as they cuddle on the bed and he vows that what happened to him won't happen to Denmark. Because if it did, he might never forgive himself. He had his family to save him, but Denmark? Denmark has nobody. And when Denmark begs that he not leave, America promises that he will never leave.

Ever.

Because maybe, maybe he just fell in love.

Just a little.

...00...00...

Translations

(French) Il est si ennuyeux. Manger ces dalles horribles de graisse, comment peut-il cacher toute la graisse?- He is so annoying. Eating those horrifying slabs of grease, how does he hide all the fat?

(Italien) Quel bastardo è così stupido, giusto Feliciano?- That bastard is so stupid, right Feli?

(French) Dieu! Alfred, vous êtes trop maigre!- God! Alfred, you're too skinny!

(French) Amérique- America

(German) Nein- No

(Japanese) Shazai itashimasu- My apologies

(German) Ja- yes

Companion Fic to The Nordic 4 and the Faced Family

This can be read alone, but the ending may be a little confusing. The scene where Denmark begs America to stay is from chapter 5.


End file.
